I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i barfeds in our rink
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
