Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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