I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
