people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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