my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
