Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
