Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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