he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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