I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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