I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
