"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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