I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
