worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
