Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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