I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
