If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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