so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All the doctor said was why
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
