do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
