2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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