just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
