Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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