At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
