Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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