she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
