Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Boobs speak an international language.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
