someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
