it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
