Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
