My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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