Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
