ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I am one with the molecules
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
