hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
