I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
