One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
