is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
