New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
