I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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