I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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