the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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