If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
