I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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