Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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