Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
