I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
