i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
