I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So squirting runs in the family.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
