Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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