Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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