And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I intend to get homeless drunk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
