so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
