This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
FUCK WHALES
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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