:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
