Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
