we have officially lost it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
