im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
