It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
