I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
