I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
