I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
