Umm I'm too high to move.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
