So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
